From Pastor Jacob T May:
Marriage Monday: The dishes are still in the sink! You have had to do them every time this week. Something has to be said.
But before you say anything you have to make “The List.” Which list is that? The list is what you will use to lay out your strategy for “The talk.” What is “The Talk?” The Talk is the exchange of information that the couple shares with each other to summarize the week’s recent events from each individual’s own perspective. Often times The Talk will end with tears, screaming, shouting matches, sweat dripping, pulses racing, or any other activity that might show that The Talk should really be classified as “The Showdown.”
So, what’s going on your list? What is going to be your play for The Talk? Let’s see… I have been doing the dishes, but they will probably come back with the fact that they have been doing the laundry. Yet, I can counter with the fact that I have been working more hours and they only started doing the laundry recently because I successfully “won” the talk last week.
Hmmm…they could then make the play that they have made some changes since the last Talk and I need to get off their back. But, I can remind them of some of the changes that I have made. (perhaps you have not made any real changes but you can keep some of your passed concessions in your back pocket to put on the table if your combatant, I mean your spouse tries to attack you.) As far as you know, they do not have as many saved up as you do, because they mistakenly used more concessions than they needed to on the last time they “won.” So, when it is all said and done, I think I can win. Does anyone win with a relationship like this?
I cannot help but think of the kind of “List” that God could have on me? How could I stand before his accusations? No, with my sins I would have no chance. Yet, what’s the Father’s play? The Father showed sacrificial love: while we were sinners Christ died for us. While we were in the wrong Christ died, burying our lists with him in the grave. While we were considered God’s combatants God chose to make the ultimate sacrifice to restore our relationship with him. He sent his son to die For us. God fought for us.
Hmmm… Maybe I should just do the dishes? Or, maybe I should not settle for fighting in my marriage but find a way to fight FOR it. We have all been there. When the above situation occurs no one wins, the marriage loses. Or, perhaps better said, “when only one spouse wins both spouses lose.”
You could argue that you have sacrificed enough. You could manipulate your spouse (by the way you could possibly substitute for spouse a situation that you have with your mother, father, sibling or friend.) so that they are making the sacrifices.
Or… you could do the dishes, you could actually discuss without lists, you could converse without the grudges in your back pocket. You could do a lot. There are a lot of other things you could put on the list.
So, what’s your play?