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Marriage Mondays – April 13, 2015

From Pastor Jacob T May:

Marriage Monday: My wife and I love to walk along the sandy beaches in our area. Recently, we had the opportunity of traveling to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. The weather was beautiful, the waves were roaring, and the sand was… well… sandy. Especially with the chill of the water, our family spent most of the time in the sand. As you can probably imagine we built sand castles, sand forts, sand pyramids, and we even covered one another with sand. Sand was our life for about five days. We loved the sand. As a parent, one of the things that I like about sand is the easy clean up. No, not necessarily from ourselves. No, we found sand in our clothes, our shoes, our food, our hair, our teeth, our… well… you get the picture. But, the actual sand cleanup, the sand on the shore, that cleanup is relatively easy. Why? Well, you really do not have to do anything to it. You leave your castles, your volcanoes, your sculptures, and the waves will do the cleanup for you. Eventually, over time, the waves will come in and smooth the surface of the shore so that it looks just as peaceful and tranquil as when you first arrived. Every day it is like a blank canvass.

However, one of the days we switched it up a bit. Instead of building a sculpture we dug. We dug a deep, deep hole, so much so that it made the life guards just a touch nervous. After reassuring him that we would not be building a mechanism that would collapse on us we continued to dig. It became our son’s hiding spot. He would run from the waves and then jump in his hole, it was his refuge. Of course, time went by and it was time for to take refuge inside our condo the evening. But, someone from our group acknowledged that it would not be wise to leave the hole there through the evening. “What if the hole is disguised by the darkness and someone were to become injured, or they simply were not observant and fell into the hole before the waves could flatten it out.” That’s the thing about waves. They will eventually come in and even things out, but it could take a while. So… we helped it along.

Unfortunately, many people try to approach their problems in marriage with the same attitude. If we just let time do its thing then our problems will be cured. Give it a little more time and our finances will come together. Give it a little more time and our communication will be better. Give it a little more time and our stressors will start to disappear. Give it a little more time and we will learn how to forgive one another. Just give it some time.

Sometimes we do need time, and space. But sometimes, we need to fill in the hole. Sometimes, many times, we need to take the initiative. Do not wait for time to magically solve your financial woes. Set a budget today, together. Do not wait for time to make you a better communicator, but start talking about what it is that is hurting you and your relationship. Do not wait for the stressors to disappear. Acknowledge the stressors together, and pray for them, together. Do not wait to forgive, but stop holding those grudges over your spouse’s head, do it today. Just as Christ has forgiven you forgive one another. Fill in the holes, do not let them be a potential trap that might hurt someone, or both of you. Do not wait for time to improve your marriage. Fill in the holes now, so tomorrow you can start anew with a blank canvass.

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